PDI Limericks!

The judging went like this: Scott gave each limerick a score form one to ten in each of four categories: Form, Subject, Sucking up and originality or cleverness. The top five (whose scores were all close) were given to Tony, who added his own scores, and the final count had Scrubbo's a winner by two points! It was a close contest over all. The winner will be portrayed in an upcoming Sunday special reciting the winning limerick. The runners-up are marked below with

By Allan Ecker:

There once was a fox from Tacoma
who outwitted the dutchess Carona
with trial and error
he artfully dared her
and beat her at hide the balogna


By Nigeyboy

There once was a koala who said,
"I am willing to give out some head."
From far away they came,
Just to get in the game,
And they all say he is well fed.


By Bonk

Hermaphrodytes are right,
When they claim fag and dyke,
No one could be the wiser,
For they open a budwiser,
And are never lonely Friday night.



By Rin

a horny young man from the shore
worked himself up at the store
as he fucked a ripe melon,
and cops called him "felon"
he said "why can't i come back for more?"

i'm rin, i'm the tech-support boy.
my kung-fu is kosher, not goy.
and though it's not sacred,
i troubleshoot naked,
which is risky for corporate employ.

there once was a sliding glass door
at a party, which was quite a bore,
so with a suction cup dick
(vaseline made it slick)
i mounted myself on and cried "more!"

at a dance club, one night long ago,
t'was a boy, who wanted a blow.
so our libidos allied,
we took it outside,
and for the cops, put on quite a show.

young rin, he wanted a lay,
so he invited a boy home to play.
while they fucked on the table,
they found it ain't stable,
so they finished, and threw it away.



one day rin bought a pager,
and he made quite a curious wager:
told his friends "dial and dial,
but to win make me smile,
and how much i come is the gauger"

while reading the board, he said "fuck!
one last chance for a rhyme that don't suck!
remember the meter,
don't play with your peter
and hope that the zipper's not stuck!

sex without lube can be tricky,
for lube makes it slippy, not sticky,
so for sex with a smile,
come buy a vial,
and grease up that firm tender dicky.


By Screwball McGoo

Ten guys and an NCAA bracket
They all get in a gambling racket.
They all make pools using seeds
But we all know where this leads
One man with money and nine who lack it.

There once was a writing hack.
He lived in the small of my back.
When I wrote a g'dawful poem,
He'd take his eyes and roll'em.
I just gave the Internet a groan attack.

There once was a man with a show.
He was a bad guy as things go.
His name is Enimen.
He bashes gays and fems.
Don't worry -- He's in it for the dough.




By Howard Tayler

A lumpy, green amorph named Schlock
Ate a plasgun the size of a rock
With a belch from his tum
and an "ominous hummm"
He loved to give bad guys a shock.

An attorney within the collective
is soulless, but not irrespective
of proprietors sole,
with bank accounts whole,
and the role of some well-placed invective.


By Matt Trepal

A lonely young shepherd from Crete
Thought he was being discreet.
When the rest went to town,
His robe, it came down,
But the whole island heard the flock bleat.

A wealthy old merchant from Troy
Sailed west with his favorite boy.
Like Achilles/Ulysses,
The lad was his missus,
There's no need for Helen. Oh joy!

The great Zeus, his beard long and hoary,
Seduced maidens by using the glory
Of a bovine persuasion
And a member amazin'.
Now that's quite a cock-and-bull story!

A lusty young Cajun from Nawlins
Had a knack for impressin' the dawlins:
He could finger a clit
Or nuzzle a tit,
But his pecker's what brought 'em all crawlin'.

An ambitious cartoonist from Butte
Made a daring attempt to be cute.
He donned handcuffs, plaid skirt
And proceeded to flirt
But his beard made the excercise moot.

A parking attendant named Bud
Spent all his free time pulling the pud
In an unoccupied Jag
With a new girlie mag
Leaving the seats all covered with crud.


By Seven³

Try as hard as I might
I just can't get a limerick right
It's perfectly fine
Right to the fourth line
But the last one just doesn't work. :P

Old Fred was a bit of a crank
He put two fish in a tank
Intent on much slaughter
They drove it into the water
And were totally shocked when it sank.

There was a young man from Dubai
Who painted a piece of the sky
He made it bright pink
But how do you think
He got a scaffold that high?


By Lord Emsworth

There once was a dour old curmudgeon,
Whose manners filled his family with dudgeon,
'Til one impatient young heir,
Slithered up to his chair,
And beat him to death with a bludgeon

There once was a jovial young sport
Who would always cry out "Pass the port!"
One day he got sloshed,
His wife was found coshed,
And he woke up in the Bosher Street Court.

A solicitor who motored down from Croyden,
Met a lady who he'd been avoidin'
For though she seemed puzzled,
Whenever she got sozzled,
She did things which always annoyed him.

A chartered accountant named Nunes,
Once breakfasted one morning on prunes,
Not a wise thing to do,
As he rushed to the loo,
He tripped over a pair of pontoons


By Falen



A sinful young vampire said,
I rather enjoy giving head.
I don't care for blood,
but give me a stud,
and gladly I'll suck him instead.


By Raikou

As I saw my good friend I said 'Hi, Jean!'
But then baulked as she sat down beside me
For she stank like a fish
and I really do wish
She'd take care of her feminine hygiene

I once met a young man called Ivor
who was known as an expert muff-diver
but one girl he went down on
had a cunt like a man-hole
and he slipped and he fell right inside her

There once was a young man called Tony
Who liked his girls skinny and boney
but his eyesight decieved him
and he took home Girly Jim
who's a he, not a she, and a phoney!

There once was a young man called Rick
Who craving a thrill stuck his dick
In a Video Recorder
He pressed on 'Fast Forward'
and has never been brought off so quick





By Caleb Sevcik

I knew this one guy young and trite
whose buttocks had gone awfully tight
though he'd flex and he'd push
so sealed up was his tush
he could not feed his girlfriend that night.



By Phred

A silly young feller named Phred
Had a face that was rosy and red
It's either that rash
Or an unbridled pash
With a guy and his just-shaven head


By Bastion Resthins

Fell down drowned with a smile of a clown
Went to town screamed so sound I must be bound
Dreaming whispers and candle light sisters
Twist and turn then burn while my mind churns
Beaten paths lesser evil and good everything puts me in a bad mood


By Godai

There was a fine fur lass
Who was oft at the head of the class
She did all of her work
and gave the teacher jerk.
and she had one mighty fine ass.

There was an engineer stooge
whoose work was often a clooge
His was obsessed with his dick
so his machines would often lick
and while testing he would constantly spooge.

The following 13-limerick epic deserves special note, as Archeron wrote one for each member of our cast page. It seemed a shame to break this opus up, so we've kept it together here, in a special place of honor on the PDI limericks page. By Acheron There once was a purple-cloaked figure While other folks had budgets bigger He took all the misfits And by pieces and bits They all formed a good team together There was an oft-shirtless coyote When a bunch of guys needed a home, he Had them all at his flat But even with that He couldn't play "hide the salami" A glowing-egg-laying white chicken, Who sometimes commanded the kitchen, Did play Truth or Dare While the boys were o’er there And a skunk got a kiss from a vixen Any cat’s fur can be sparky… After one weathered a storm she Could shock on command So when she touched her hand To a co-worker’s nose he went “Ouchie!” The vixen above is a focus For attention with her hocus-pocus But if she and Reverso Did the hor’zontal mambo On Main street, why, no-one would notice! A goat who when young ate a sky-rock Now would be unfazed by hemlock He need have no fear From toxins severe I wonder, though – would he eat dog-cock? Sylk was a phocine femme who Left footprints of water so blue… Since she’s kind of curvy One might wonder if she Made other people wet too? Wilt can, with only a glance, Bring drooping death unto plants… Pray it’s not so disastrous For another guy’s estrus If he wants to get into his pants. Hedgehogs are really quite quilly… If one’s gay this is anything but silly. One hopes he’s on top When he’s ready to pop Or he’d puncture the other guy’s willie. An illusory wardrobe is dandy, And after explosions, quite handy – But playing Truth or Dare, It couldn’t be there, So Val was, for many, eye candy. To find Pathos, look on a map And pinpoint the latest big scrap But fans think he’s cute When not in that foil suit – It’s not his face they want to slap. Among PDI’s little clique Reverso has power unique. When with others, it’s fun. When with Pathos, someone Might want to find out if he’s sleek. The team’s receptionist Cassie Is often a well-prepared lassie But if she says a word Others doubt what they heard And really don’t think she’s so savvy.

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